5 Networking Tips from Authors, Dictators, Drunkards, and Salesmen

Let me share some unconventional strategies to build, leverage, and sustain a powerful professional network

If you worked in startups from 2009 to 2015, you’ll know things were tough. Maybe tougher than now. I did a LOT of job-hunting.

And since then, I've also done a lot of career coaching for others. Here are some of my favorite lesser-known wisdom-nuggets to network like the best.

1. Shift Your Focus to Helping Others As a Way to Overcome Networking Anxiety

Personally, I’ve always been intimidated by networking events. I'd often sink into self-consciousness. But a mindset shift that helped was to shift my focus from "attendee" to "helper."

In Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferrazzi suggests that when meeting someone new, skip the small talk.

Instead, ask what they’re passionate about. When they answer, think about how you can help them. And then offer that help.

2. Take Control of Key Communications Infrastructure, Then Leverage It to Your Advantage

During his 1973 military coup, General Augusto Pinochet of Chile prioritized quickly taking control of the national TV station. But why a TV station? There’s no military importance.

Pinochet knew that if you control the airwaves, you can shape the narrative. And as for the airport? Well, that’s your golden ticket to decide who gets to join the party—or who has to leave.

Now, I’m not suggesting you overthrow a government (let’s keep this legal, folks). But there’s a lesson here: if you can become connected to key social infrastructure, you have access to opportunities that others won’t.

That's why post-pandemic I decided to start hosting startup marketing meetups. I was part of a Slack community that hadn't met IRL in 3 years, so I took it upon myself to host one myself.

At a minimum, this completely changed my mindset at the event. Instead of being an attendee, I was now the host. And I was so focused on if everyone else was okay that I forgot my own social anxiety.

But the benefits have gone further: folks from that community have referred clients my way, I’m often invited to other tech and VC events, and I now feel a sense of belonging in NYC's startup community.

Another great example is my friend Jameel who graduated from MIT and started working at Microsoft. Jameel volunteered to help Microsoft’s MIT recruiter with her on-campus recruiting. When Jameel visited campus, he showed the recruiter he was still tied into clubs and the greek system by helping to drive turnout for recruiting events. Soon-enough Jameel was the recruiter’s go-to person and he was getting flown-out to Boston.

On the other side of this hiring marketplace was current MIT students. They wanted jobs, and he was helpful in advising them and connecting them. Whether they joined Microsoft or someplace else, Jameel’s network of MIT alumni working in tech exploded.

By being helpful to both sides, Jameel put himself at the center of a key piece of infrastructure: the MIT <> Microsoft hiring pipeline. He got free trips to visit friends in Boston, an expense account to entertain them, and a powerful alumni network.

3. To Build Meaningful Friendships, Invite Bar-Friends to An After-Party

In high school in Dallas, TX, I was a self-proclaimed nerd and spent weekends with my best friends talking about Star Trek and competing over SAT scores. After college, three of those friends moved back to Dallas. And that first year back was pretty rough.

They’d go out to bars. They might see an acquaintance out, and have a friendly chat. They might even get introduced to someone new. But there was no good way to convert these friendly acquaintances into real friendships.

The answer, my three friends taught me, was SGI.

Small. Group. Interaction.

They started inviting folks out for a pre-game at their apartment. Or when the bars were closing, they’d propose going to Big Wong’s for late-night chinese. On the way, they’d carpool.

This pre- or post-bar “Small Group Interaction” changed the psychology of the night in an important but subtle way. Now, instead of “I saw them at the bar.” The night became “we all went out to the bar together.”

This pre- and after- framework was a game-changer. One of them met his wife that year in Dallas, and they just celebrated their 10-year anniversary.

4. Personal Branding Widens the Upper-Funnel of Your Career Opportunities

Naval Ravikant had an equation for Luck Surface Area. The idea is that so much of success is luck. But that you can increase your surface area for luck by having more access to opportunities. Naval uses the example of literally starting multiple businesses to increase your surface area of luck.

But a “higher-funnel” approach might be to increase the number of opportunities you have access to. Cody Sanchez says “Be easy to find, but hard to reach.” She runs an online program for people who want to buy or own businesses. So she pumps out free content on Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and elsewhere so that when someone is finally starting to think about a business, her program is the first one they think of.

5. The Average Job Tenure Continues to Decline: So Always Be Closing

Final thought.

Having a network isn’t enough. You need to be using it and putting it out there that you're open to opportunities.

The average tenure for American workers is less than 4 years and dropping. We'll hold on average 12 jobs in our lifetime — up from 10 a decade ago!

I used to think: “I know people, and people know me, so when I need a job, I’ll just ask around and find one.” But with companies showing less and less loyalty to their employees, and tenures shrinking, you should be testing your market value often.

As a consultant, at least 10% of our engagements have come from situations where initially it wasn't a fit, but we reconnected months or years later.

The truth is that you need to be constantly evaluating your market value, constantly be investing in yourself, and constantly be open to new opportunities, so that the day you actually want to close a deal, you’re already 80% of the way there. In effect: always be closing.

So, there you have it—my roadmap to building a powerful network. Start by paying it forward and giving more than you take. Then, take charge of the “infrastructure” around you, whether it’s organizing events or volunteering your skills. Remember, real connections often come from small group interactions, so don’t overlook those pre-game drinks or after-dinner coffee chats. Personal branding is your megaphone; use it to widen your reach and be top-of-mind for new opportunities. And, most importantly, always be open to possibilities.

Now, go out there and put these strategies into practice. You’ll not only grow your network but also turn it into a true asset that works for you. Here’s to building connections that last and seizing the opportunities that come your way.